10 Things You Should Know About Being in a Relationship With an HSP

HSPs are highly lovable; not high-maintenance.

As unique individuals, we all approach dating and relationships with different personalities, preferences, backgrounds, and ways of doing things.

Sometimes, we’re even wired differently. Some of us are highly sensitive people.

What does being a highly sensitive person (HSP) mean exactly?

It means that you have an innate trait (and not a disorder), in which you are acutely affected by the environment and have highly attuned senses. Your central nervous system is amped up — always taking in information and stimuli in a variety of ways — and often, overstimulated by it.

Being Highly Sensitive Is a Survival Advantage

While this may sound negative, being a highly sensitive person is actually a survival advantage.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, an expert and pioneer in highly sensitive people, 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive (men and women equally). That’s enough to know that you’re in good company, but not common enough that you’re generally understood.

Frankly, it’s hard to understand what being highly sensitive means it when you’re not the one experiencing it. This fact can make relationships a little tricky for you at times.

Dr. Aron’s data also shows that approximately 34 percent of love relationships involve at least one highly sensitive person, with the HSP usually being the unhappy one of the pair. That’s because highly sensitive people may feel extra stressed or disappointed when their needs go unmet in a relationship.

And sadly, many highly sensitive people feel misunderstood, or worse, like they’re a problem for others — even unlovable at times. Sometimes labeled as picky and overly emotional, HSPs struggle because they’re keenly aware of their surroundings, and well… feeling different.

But you know what? Different is fabulous, and high sensitivity can be an asset in any relationship. So if you’re a highly sensitive person, stop feeling alone in this matter and thinking of yourself as high-maintenance. And if you love a highly sensitive person, here are 10 things you should know.

If You’re in a Relationship With an HSP

1. HSPs feel deeply.

At times, highly sensitive people feel others’ emotions as intensely as their own.

Yes, they may cry easily when watching movies or reading books. It’s like they’re living the character’s life, fully taking in the experience as if it were their own.

When we walk into a room or are with the people we care about, we often sense what they need, even before they do.

Remember that being emotional is not being irrational. In fact, there’s a growing body of evidence that suggests that emotional intelligence leads to better decision making.

So if you can’t handle tears or jubilation, you’re with the wrong person. Don’t call your highly sensitive partner emotional or moody. Instead, see their empathy as a gift and innate ability to be there for people in need. They’ll be there for you when you’re down or confused. And when you’ve hit a high, they’ll be elated along with you, too.

2. HSPs have acute hearing.

They may even hear things others don’t — hear them more intensely. This includes sounds of bubble gum chewing, the rattling of keys, or background noise when they’re trying to concentrate.

As a highly sensitive person myself, I remember so clearly the time the house alarm system malfunctioned, and the alarm rang for two hours straight until I finally ripped the wires apart in desperation. I thought I would die from the shrillness and force of the sound. The neighborhood dogs and I suffered profusely that night.

But just as a highly sensitive persona’s acute hearing can bring discomfort, it can be a blessing.

Think Wolverine: This superhero can hear at much greater distances than regular humans. In fact, his hearing is so fine that he can use it to react more quickly and gain knowledge sooner than others — even using it as a lie detector.

Aside from the practical survival advantages, the HSP’s super-sensitive ears allow them to enjoy fine symphonies and soulful ballads. They will melt if you write them a song on your guitar.

But, do your highly sensitive partner a favor, and try not to startle him or her — unless you want them jumping into your arms!

3. HSPs can have delicate taste buds and food sensitivities.

Highly sensitive people may have very specific tastes in foods and have food sensitivities, too.

Imagine not being able to eat anything you want and seeing others delight in a buttery lobster or perfectly al dente wheat pasta. For an HSP, a lemon may taste excessively sour and arugula excessively bitter. But, oh, they will revel in the sweetness of one single square of dark chocolate and your kisses that will never be enough!

Be warned: They probably do not wish to discuss or be reminded of their perceived food issues at every meal. They’ll eat what they can and want to, and that’s that!

And please don’t fret if they seem to make dinner dates more complicated. Just call ahead and make sure there’s at least one item on the menu your HSP partner can enjoy.

4. HSPs may have an enhanced sense of smell.

If you’re dating an HSP, they may sometimes be shy in bringing up scent sensitivities to you. Your highly sensitive partner doesn’t want to come across as rude, but maybe your girlfriend really can’t take that new soap you bought, or your boyfriend dislikes the overly sweet smell of your shampoo.

And if the smell of cooking chicken makes your sweetie gag, there’s probably something wrong with it, and you’d better not eat it either. Their olfactory system is on alert for danger, and you’ll benefit from that, too.

That said, their noses are also meant for enjoyment. Their pheromones have been called to a higher duty. Get the fragrance right, and you’ll be in for a passionate night!

5. HSPs are sensitive to (and responsive to) touch.